Bountiful Bosoms

With Halloween fast approaching, I’m surely not the only one who’s been losing sleep lately wondering just how haunted Elvira’s hills really are. But on Friday the 13th, I finally got the chance to find out when everyone’s favorite Mistress of the Dark took full advantage of the superstitious holiday to promote her frolicsome new feature film, Elvira’s Haunted Hills.

And just where do you think the beloved icon of drag queens everywhere would throw such a party? At Lucky Cheng’s, of course. After wading through the overflowing pond of women that engulfed the East Village restaurant’s main room, I was graciously welcomed by the lovely Joey Arias in a secluded back room (get your minds out of the gutter). Elvira was everything I imagined she would be (and so much more), and it was simply mesmerizing watching the buxom b-movie queen effortlessly work the room greeting guests and posing for the press.

After several complimentary cocktails, I joined the procession down Houston to the Sunshine Landmark Cinema for a screening of the movie whose tag line entices: "Evil. Terror. Lust. Some girls really know how to party." While it would be nearly impossible to top her first cinematic effort, Haunted Hills did provide just enough laughs and gratuitous cleavage shots (come on, I know I’m not the only gay man harboring a platonic fascination with women’s breasts) to make it all worthwhile.

Heteropalooza

Every once in a while I like to infiltrate the straight club scene to see what kind of shenanigans those crazy hets are up to. While it’s true their parties rarely ever hold a candle to ours, there is at least one exception in New York City – Sound Factory. Arguably the best (and certainly the cleanest) nightclub in town, the gay community has been enjoying this multi-level dance emporium sporadically over the past two years thanks to Ric Sena, producer of the infamous Alegria parties held on Sunday nights of holiday weekends (note: the next one is October 13 with local DJs Chad Jack and Eddie Elias).

But who would have guessed that the club’s long-running Saturday night shindig with resident DJ Jonathan Peters would be anywhere near as entertaining – or as scandalous? I experienced my first Heteropalooza at Sound Factory’s 13th Anniversary party in April. My accomplice and I experienced complete sensory overload as we marveled at the endless parade of beautiful women and hot hunky men (who, by the way, were mostly shirtless and didn’t seem the least bit bothered by our admiring stares). The stage shows, which at many nightclubs often come across as unnecessary and distracting, were brilliantly provocative, particularly the homoerotic tribute to one of our favorite groundbreaking sitcoms of the 50s. The bizarre reenactment of the famous candy factory assembly line episode of "I Love Lucy" began innocently enough, but soon devolved into an unexpected lesbian love fest as the two ravenous beauties portraying Lucy and Ethel stripped each other down to their lingerie and seductively explored each others body.

So naturally we returned for the Underwear Party a few months later, where we were treated to a co-ed wet underwear contest complete with on-stage shower. Speaking of showers, I could use a cold one after reminiscing about those sexy male contestants – and they weren’t shy either!

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any raunchier, Sound Factory announced its S&M party, slated for Saturday, September 21. I’ll admit I was a bit surprised (albeit thrilled) to see gender-bending ads for the party appear on the back cover of Next magazine. And once again, a testosterone-fueled and silicon-enhanced mob of revelers packed themselves into the club like sardines, and many of them ended up staying well into Sunday afternoon. Without going into graphic detail about the shows, let’s just say that they gave Black Party a run for its money.

Battle of the Tea Dances

You know summer’s over and the boys are back from Fire Island when there are no less than three separate tea dances from which to choose on a Sunday night. Such was the case this past weekend when I was forced to pick between Keana at Splash (I refuse to use that stupid new acronym), Julian Marsh at Octagon, and DeMarko at Sound Factory. I guess I could have stopped by all of them, but I’m a firm believer in doing everything in moderation. So DeMarko got the bid this time, and what a fun little soiree it turned out to be. Held on Level 4 of the club (complete with a buffet in the cabaret lounge and a percolating hot tub), patrons were hoisted up to the entrance in an eerie freight elevator that gave the party a distinct underground feel.

There wasn’t much of a crowd when we arrived at 9:30pm, but by 11 the dance floor was full. Drink prices were awfully steep for a tea dance – $5 for bottled water; $9 for a cocktail! – but under the spell of up-and-coming DJ DeMarko’s sublime Junior-inspired set (he also spins at G on Fridays), I couldn’t help but think that this monthly event is really going to take off.

Speaking of Junior, he’ll be celebrating the one-year anniversary of Earth, his weekly after-hours party at Exit, on Saturday, October 6, along with Vernessa Mitchell and a few thousand of his closest friends. Also on the horizon is the fourth installment of Victor Calderone’s monthly Tribalism party at arc (the formal Vinyl) on Sunday, October 20. If you haven’t check out this delectable dance party yet, you don’t know what you’re missing.

Until next time…